Red, White, and Blueland: Trump Crony signs stupid bill

I apologize for all of the Trump articles, but it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous. It's FEBRUARY, for goodness sake.

So yes, to confirm, Georgia representative Buddy Carter, a member of the Republican party has signed a bill which would allow President Donald J. Trump to purchase Greenland, an autonomous territory of Denmark, and rename it to "Red, White, and Blueland". We just want to reiterate that you are reading The Zodiac, not The Onion.

This is yet another unnecessary rename attempt by the Republican Party to stamp America's name on anything and everything, following Gulf of Mexico to Gulf of America, and Denali back to Mount McKinley. To be fair to them, those names at least sound somewhat respectable; "Red, White, and Blueland" is a South Park bit brought to life by the yandere stalker of President Garrison.

Mr. Carter stated Tuesday: “President Trump has correctly identified the purchase of what is now Greenland as a national security priority, and we will proudly welcome its people to join the freest nation to ever exist when our negotiator-in-chief inks this monumental deal.”

There are so many things wrong with this statement that I will take the time to list them to you just to hammer it in.

1. No, he didn't "correctly identify" the purchase. It's unnecessary and a waste of taxpayers' money, just like most of the other things Trump has done this term.

2. "What is now Greenland"? Like you expect everyone to just go along with this, quite frankly insulting name change because you said so? Newsflash buddy, not every country in the world is America.

3. "The freest nation to ever exist". So free that they've spent more time eradicating the rights of transgender people in the country then trying to lower the price of eggs and gas, which was quite a large part of his reelection campaign. Oh wait! His recent tariffs ensured prices would go up even further!

4. "Negotiator-in-chief"???? What does that even mean? Was just calling him "president" not enough? You're making him sound like a hostage negotiator for fuck's sake.

   
   

   Again, I'd like to apologize for the constant Trump posting, but he really does make himself an easy target for this sort of thing. If the world has any common sense left, this whole Greenland thing will be long dead in the water by the time this term is up.